**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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