How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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