PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
