I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
