when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
50% drunk capacity currently
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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