im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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