So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
