$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
