Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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