I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
