take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
