Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
