I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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