Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
