Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
