i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
