i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
