Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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