So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
