You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
