Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
