Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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