haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
