Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
