can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
