Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
