I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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