I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
