it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
