Your mouth is God's brothel.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
