Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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