my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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