No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A+ Viking dick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
