i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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