i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
