The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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