THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
