WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
