He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
