somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
