I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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