Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
