You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
