i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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