mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
