I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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