the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's blow job season.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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