physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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