I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
