'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
