your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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