mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I look better un-naked...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
