I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
