Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
