Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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