i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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